Struggled ... still truggling ....

Many things happened in 2months ... from a normal worker to overload to work till die.

Things gone from bad to worse at work, with stupid transfer where I have been taking care parts from another group, with the profit center goes to that group, but I am doing all the procuring, and pull in? When the supply are in good shape, is anyone there to thank me? When there is supply issue, will they just leave me alone and let me work out the supply line, instead of everyone keeps on coming to me asking the same question at different time?

Can all the stupid shortages and NPI don't come at once? Can you all just let me breathe? I am breathless .... Human will die if he is not breathing for minutes .... I am breathless from the moment I step into the office on feb 17 till .... omg there is no fullstop here ... I am still struggling after 2months. What a stupid moron idiot me ...

Why I need to work until late hours, need to work during weekends? Can't I just leave this stupid responsibilities alone and just enjoy my work? Why I want to be different, why can't just i follow the footsteps of the predecessor? Why I want to be something else from her? What is running through my mind? Do I think that I am actually capable? Do I think that being me right now is call good? Will they think that I am actually stupid? Will they know what is running on my mind when I took most of the job? Will they know what is my actual thought? Won't they know that it is hard for me to become what I need to become today? Shouldn't they suppose to understand that I am overloaded? Shouldn't they suppose to understand my situation right now? Aren't us in the same team?

The one that I was looking high at actually disappoint me. The one that disappointed me previously make me take another good look at her. The one that always stay unshine remains unshine. When only you can steal the spotlight and impress me? The new comer, whether you are a sun or you are a moon, just don't let me down. You are capable according to others, just don't make me laugh at others poor judgement.

Next week is going to be huh-hah-huh-hah week. I can promise you that there is going to be a big changes, but what is the changes now, I can't tell, as I haven't plan yet. But I promise you, I will try my best. After all, you all still got me as backup.

Why I am so stupid? Is it worth to spend another year in hell, in return of 1week in heaven? . Why there is no tree for me to hang on to when I am falling to dead?