Sigh

I guess I am getting older, cuz now I started to feel boring, and lonely sometimes. What happen to the old me? The one who claims that time is not enough, the one who claims that she can organize her time well, and won't be lonely?

I guess it has to do with a girl back in my office. We are from the same workcell, but we are not that close. One day, we went to toilet together, and we had some stupid chat like normal. Then I went to chat with a guy, and she followed me. She asked me whether I am still single or available. I told her still hunting for bf, why. She said she wanna recommend her cousin for me. 1year younger than me. What should I reply? Ok? No thanks? Either one is not the correct answer. What ran through my mind that time? To be honest, a lot. Why she wanna recommend her cousin to me? Who is he? How does he looks like? How old is he? What's his job? Do you want to? Would you give it a try? Do you dare to meet up with him? Do you really want match making? Haha ... seriously I do not dare to chat much with her on this topic, all I do is keep taichi, and say something like ... faith. She kept on asking me do I mind her introduce her cousin to me? I kept saying we can be friends first. After that day, she never mentioned anything about this. I guess she can feel that from my reply. What is actually running through your mind? I have no idea.

So, do you feel scare now? A lot of your friends already married/engaged and some even have kids. Feel lonely, yes; but feeling scare? No, at least not at this moment. Cuz sometimes being alone is better than just simply finding someone and ended up in bad relationship ...

Stupid me huh ...

Once, there was this boy who sent me sms on April 1st, asking me to be his gf, while we were still studying in university. Cuz it was April Fool and scared of being fooled, I rejected him. He said we will be best friend forever then. Slowly, he started to stay away from me and we seldom contacted each other through phone or sms anymore after that.

Back in Form 5, we sat next to each other, always competing on our result, who got the better result in every subject, who can solved the maths quicker, talked about WWE aired on TV weekly. Things changed after his mother passed away, but we still close to each other. We were not in the same class during Form 6, but we said hi when we bumped into each other. First week of me in UUM, he called me up to just to check how's thing with me deep in the jungle. I cried and I guess he heard that lolz. Do I like him during secondary school? I think the answer is yes. Do you like still like him after Form 6 and after went to UUM? I don't know. Bumped into him several times though but we were like strangers more.

He is also working in Penang now. Send him sms once in a while, but he never replies or his reply really sound polite to me. Ok, I got it. I have lost a friend now. I know I do not have the right to blame him, it was my fault after all.

Recently I added him in Facebook. Looked at his pictures, and he mostly went out with his colleagues, and there is a girl, who always tagged him. Are they gf-bf stuffs now? I have no idea.
One night, some sadness struck me, and I saw him online. I wrote him a note saying that I said no to him last time cuz that day was April Fool and not because of me not liking him, and why we are no longer friends. He gave me no reply. Stupid me huh ... What are you expecting, Pepsi? A friendship? A second chance? He never bother to reply you ... you are no longer his friend ... just move on

Its time for me to bid goodbye I guess

Recently a teammate of mine tendered her resignation letter, and tomorrow is her last day. With her leaving, we are in deep shit again, in consideration that another teammate of mine is going for maternity soon ...

With new projects (a total of 6) coming in, I only can say .. shit shit shit ...
I am going to take care of NPI for now as well? Can I cope it all alone? Can I? I do not think that I can.

All the while I have been talking about leaving, but I never really visited any job searching sites. And well I guess someone/something pissed me off last Thurs/Fri which makes me having the urge to look for another job.

Enough is enough, no more CM for me. I am only looking for OEM. I really think that it is time for me to venture into another working environment. Paid a visit to jobstreet.com.my. Uhh .... not much OEM looking for buyers ... most of them are CMs ... arrhhh ... I only look for 2 things ... OEM and salary ... why it is so hard?

On 2nd thought, it is August now ... worth leaving now? In view of year end bonus is just around the corner? So now it is between money or tension ... which one will win?